Meet Oraculous Monkey, a new author at Punkia!

A new author debuts at Punkia. He is Oraculous Monkey, aka O’ Monkey.

Like every monkey, he meddles with almost everything he stumbles upon.

He is responsible for the column “Thus spoke Oraculous Monkey,” which sounds a bit pretentious but he threatened to turn us all into juicy yellow bananas if we had insisted for a more convenient and sober name.

His first pick was “Thus spake Oraculous Monkey” as he pointed out that a taste of archaic literary language would give his insights far more elegance and importance, not to mention he boasts of noble origins.

Nevertheless, he allowed for a more popular version, setting aside his aristocratic roots, as soon as we persuaded him that ordinary language would stand a better chance of success.

He is a complicated guy, sometimes controversial, sometimes raucous, mostly a pain in the arse. If he were a parcel, it would read, “Handle with care.”

However, we resigned ourselves to hire him, because, just like us, he is politically incorrect. In reality, he is much more incorrect than we are; he is so incorrect to be completely unseemly. And so unseemly to sound rude.

Oh boy! God help us! We made this in the hope of carving out a niche in the web universe. We don’t cry for the moon, we just want to be humble breadwinners.

On the other hand, he pledged his free support for the cause. Hence, as soon as we heard that he was going to work for free, oh man, fantastic! We’re gonna sweat that ugly monkey and squeeze profit as much as we can. But mum’s the word! He is touchy, and like everyone from high descent, he can be cruel and vindictive should he realize to be abused, or much worse, walk away and leave us empty-handed.

So, Oraculous Monkey is going to entertain you with his insightful memes, aphorisms and suchlike, especially on politics and social issues, which are his specialties.

Don’t expect him to deliver long sermons. Like every blue-blooded, he does not like to waste his time in boring discussions. To loaf about all day is his favorite pastime.

We told him that Google prefers long and detailed posts, so, in depth analyses are much better than a few spare words.

Drat! He started cursing! Swear words echoing in the room like thunders!

“I don’t give a fucking yellow banana! Do I need to sound retard to deliver some wise hint to people?” How couldn’t we agree with him? Then, he maintained, “Do you think people are so terribly idiot to put up with a 2 or 3 thousand word article just to get a single stupid clue about how not to get fooled?” Can we say he’s wrong?

Hence, stay tuned and keep your eyes peeled on this blog, as you’re gonna love Oraculous Monkey’s wisecracks and guidance.

Oraculous Monkey

 

Advertisements

Your Opinion Matters