Colors mean health,
Yeah, we are very interested in your health. The more you live the more you consume. Isn’t that marvelous?
Won’t you fight heart attacks, cancer, and the nasty effects of aging? As long as the shell is polished and splendid don’t worry about growing old. If you are a man, we have lots of blue pills for you. If you are a woman, well, remedies are many.
Let’s start explaining the 5 Colors of Health, or Wellbeing if you will.
Blue & Purple
Sometimes blamed to be a jinxed color in its violet shades. Not advisable to wear when appearing on TV.
Blue and Purple (yes, Violet too!) fruits and veggies are eggplant, plums, figs, berries, red grapes, and radicchio. Yes, there are more, but don’t expect we’re gonna itemize all of them, dude!
Blues & Purples, protect you against various tumors, and maintain both your memory alive and your urinary tract clean. Since they contain anthocyanin, a type of flavonoid, they help you fight the stress and strain of modern life. Will they release you from the social oppression and the existential gloominess of our time? Mmmhhh… I would have a better idea but I’d better digress.
Watch out! They are juicy but they may cause your intestine to deliver more than necessary.
Great color! The color of money, the symbol of wealth and prosperity. And many other things I don’t bother to list.
Go stuff yourself with kiwi, white grapes, salads, zucchini, broccoli, asparagus, cucumbers, spinach, and basil if you want to go green. No, no worries, you ain’t going to become Hulk.
Green fruits and veggies contain phytochemicals that offer plenty of fiber (yet fibers have side effects, see below). In this happy family we have the so-called Cruciferous vegetables (cabbage, broccoli, etc.) which have sulfurous compounds (now you are thinking, “Gosh, now we know why they stink so much”) that help your liver detoxify and protect your ovaries (only for women!!). They are also good at preventing macular degeneration. Test your sight at a topless bar or a nudist beach, and then cram yourself with greens if the test fails.
At the same time, two life-saving warnings.
First thing first, these foods may make your bladder and bowels empty very easily and fast. So, for example, don’t eat them if you are expected at an official meeting at the White House. And, do NOT eat any of them for the previous two weeks in case you are due to meet Her Majesty at Buckingham Palace. She and her family are quite oversensitive. Besides, internal revolts and floods are never welcome in places like that.
Secondly, green is also known to be the color of envy. Mmmmh, not a good feeling to show. I suggest to be made of money and so be green by money is much more suitable than be green with envy. Sometimes all you have to do is simply make the right decision. It takes very little to be happy.
P.S.: The same advice applies to purple fruits. Hell!
Wow! The color of passion. The one that gets you so bouncy and high to make you paint the town red. Okay but go easy. You don’t want to be seen as the village idiot, do you?
Tons of tomatoes, red peppers, cherries, strawberries, blood oranges, watermelons, currants, raspberries, red beets, and radishes for you. Please, avoid burping when eating radishes, fella!!
Lycopene is found in various red fruits, e.g. watermelon, pink grapefruit, tomatoes, etc. It is known to be a protector against prostate cancer —at the same time, you know what to do for staying away from prostate cancer, don’t you old lecher?
Antioxidants in red fruits and vegs have anti-inflammatory properties and are good at lowering risk for heart disease and cancer.
Yes, Chili Peppers are red as well; otherwise, why we’d say Red Hot Chili Peppers? But… Oh boy! They have the power to light up your reverse light bulbs. So, think twice, it is not polite to go around with your rear glowing as a firefly.
Still, red is also the color of alarm. Red flags are a bit annoying. Cautious, as it is no good news when your credit is in the red. Being broke won’t get you where you want to be. Reverse to the green, and quickly though!
Yellow & Orange
What a great color orange is. The Dutch football team from the 1970s. Oh, the hippies, the Beatles, the pot, and all that psychedelia. And what about yellow? The color of the cowardly some say. The favorite by the politicians. Now you know why…
Feed with apricots, peaches, oranges, tangerines, lemons, grapefruits, carrots, yellow peppers, corn, and pumpkin. They are so succulent.
These foods are rich in beta-carotene, vitamin A and vitamin C. They contain powerful antioxidants to fight the free radicals; you know, those extremist molecules that make your body an illegal wild campsite. The treacherous particles can cause atherosclerosis, heart disease, cataracts, blood vessel damage, inflammatory diseases and arthritis, asthma and … yes, you’ve just won a medal, cancer!
Now, some of these fruits are particularly exciting, no doubt! How many times we have said, “Damn! That girl is apricot” meaning she is really sexy. So, beware of what kind of apricots you are going to eat, and beware of how you eat them. Yeah, apricot[ing] may cause pain to your foreskin.
And, Ladies & Gentlemen, finally White!
Man, oh man! What a splendor, not even a color but the hue-less color. The color of sunlight. Colors bend down in awe and get together to gently make it. Symbol of purity. Nonetheless, be careful not to become too pure or you’re going to miss the most satisfying pleasures life has to offer.
So, what you have to eat is apples, pears, mushrooms, onions, garlic, shallots, cauliflower, fennel. Yeah, yeah, there’s more but I don’t have time to list them all.
Also whites have anti-inflammatory properties like almost all veggies but, hey, no, you are not supposed to stuff yourself with chili peppers and then ask the white squad to save you from the anal volcano.
On the bright side, white onions and garlic feed the good bacteria and yeast in our intestines. They are incredible beneficial to our health. They lower the level of sugar in the blood and drive away so many harmful bacteria, unfortunately, along with almost anybody within a range of a mile.
And you call it the bright side? Yeah, think it over. Not bad when you want to stay on your own.
To sum up, remember to eat 5 cups a day. I said eat not drink. Don’t try to be too smart. We all know you can find many liquors made with any of those fruits, you booze fighter.
To eat 5 cups a day, means to get at least 5 a day.
So, a serving is:
1/2 cup of fruit
1 medium piece of fruit
1/4 cup of died fruit
1/2 cup of 100% fruit or vegetable juice (4 oz. —and no alcohol, please!)
1 cup of leafy vegetables
1/2 cup of cooked or raw vegetables
However, the new approach is “More Matters!” replacing the “5 a day”. It is then recommended eating 5 servings of vegetables and 2 or 3 of fruits. This will keep you healthy and clean.
Oh yeah… And be ready to live a long life, no matter how hard, unpleasant, and indecorous. This is no place for humans, yet, no matter which genus and species you think to belong, for sure, the more you live the more you got to consume! At least, as long as you manage to stay alive…
Isn’t that marvelous?